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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25399612">a conversation between the 2 Hotchners</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Encalhado/pseuds/Encalhado'>Encalhado</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Father-Son Relationship, Other, around season 10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:29:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,310</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25399612</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Encalhado/pseuds/Encalhado</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>the Hotchners had a very serious and very sad conversation on their flight back from visiting Beth.</p><p>Please know that English is not my first language and I do not live in a English speaking environment. Errors are to be expected.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aaron Hotchner &amp; Jack Hotchner</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a conversation between the 2 Hotchners</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They were on their flight back to DC. They went to New York for the weekend to visit Beth. Things had gone great, Beth was sweet and she got along with Jack just fine and Jack<em> loved</em> New York.</p><p>But Aaron wasn't sure if this was going to work out for them. It was the first time he had seen her in person in a month, before that it'd been nearly 2 months. they've been busy and the distance was making it harder than it already was. Aaron liked her, he really did, yet while he was not planning on leaving the bureau it seemed that Beth's work and her ambition required her to move a lot. Beth had mentioned a job opportunity in HongKong, that certainly did not help with Aaron's increasing anxiety.</p><p>Jack was quiet in his seat, looking upset. Aaron was not concerned at first, the kid was probably just upset that he had to leave New York and Beth. But when Jack did speak several minutes later, Aaron knew instantly something far more serious was bothering his son.</p><p>“Dad, is Beth going to be my new mom?” He didn't sound excited.</p><p>“I'm not sure, buddy.” Aaron sighed, “What's the matter?”</p><p>“A friend at school told me his dad started dating again after divorce and then he got a new mom.”</p><p>“Is that bad?”</p><p>Jack shook his head:“He said she's nice. Beth is nice and you like her, I just wanted to know.”</p><p>Aaron could tell from his son's tone that Jack was not completely up front with his question, so he waited.</p><p>Jack didn't speak for a long time, before Aaron lost his patience and decided to question him, he heard the boy's quiet sob. That was not good at all.</p><p>“Jack? Hey, buddy, what's wrong?” He cooed softely, a hand resting on the boy's shoulder, pulling him closer. Jack just kept sobbing, tears running down his face, but he also kept it quiet. Aaron's heart broke into pieces.</p><p>Jack has always be a very good kid, he was shy, a hopeless nerd, and he loved his family and friends so much it made Aaron's heart ache. Jack was the best thing that has ever happened to him, Aaron swore everytime he held the boy in his arms, or kissed him goodnight even if Jack was already asleep by the time he got back from work, that he'd never let the boy down. </p><p>Now his son was hurting. Aaron didn't know how to comfort him because he didn't know why. It hurt so much.</p><p>“Jack, please...what's wrong?” He could hear his own voice break. He couldn't cry though, not in front of his son, especially not when he needed to be calm and strong for him.</p><p>Jack started to cry out loud, couldn't control his emotion anymore:“I'm sorry, daddy...”</p><p><em><strong>NONONO</strong></em>...Jack hadn't called him that for a long time, decided he's too old to still call him daddy. This didn't bode well.</p><p>“Jack, I need you to tell me what happened, okay? What are you sorry for?”</p><p>“I miss mommy...”Jack finally said. </p><p>Aaron felt sick at those works. He could never forgive himself for Haley's death, he knew sooner or later Jack would find out about the truth and would resent him for it. He knew he could try to make it up for Jack but he could never make the trauma go away. He was useless and pathetic.</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>He has failed Jack. Again.</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>“I miss her too, Jack.”</p><p>But Jack shook his head. “you don't un..understand.”</p><p>“What do you mean? Is me seeing Beth upseting you? You don't want a stepmom?”</p><p>The boy didn't give him an answer, but it was an obvious yes.</p><p>“Did she do or say anything to upset you?” Jack shook his head but nothing more. He couldn't have even if he'd wanted to, he's crying so hard. Some passengers looked at them, several with concern, more with annoyance. Aaron didn't care.</p><p>He waited, held his son tightly in his arms till the cry died down. Jack's face was a mess, his eyes red and swollen. He looked ashamed, not for crying but for the reason behind it.</p><p>Aaron found the wipe in his bag, cleaned up the kid before he asked again:“Would you tell me what that was about, Jack?”</p><p>Jack didn't look at him, his voice still shaky and broken:“I...Spence told me that it's normal for young kids to forget things. He said um, stable memory doesn't form until around 5. Henry couldn't remember the time Miss JJ beat the bad lady who basically abducted him 2 years ago.”</p><p>Aaron remembered, and it was absolutely horrifying. </p><p>“Mommy died when I was 4...”Jack said, very quietly, “I'm starting to forget things about her...” Tears started to running down his face again.</p><p>Of course Jack couldn't remember a lot about Haley, he was just a kid. A kid who had lost his mother while the father was always absent.</p><p>What had he done to his child?</p><p>“I don't want to forget mommy, daddy.”</p><p>“You won't. You know The Ebbinghaus Forgetting Curve, right? we have videos and photos of mommy and you, we can watch them if you think the memories are fading, this way you'd never forget mommy, how much she loved you...”Aaron realized he's crying too. He wiped the tears away, focusing on Jack rather than his own misery,“We can go visit mommy when we get back, you can talk to mommy so she would know you miss her, how does that sound?”</p><p>Jack nodded, wiping his tears even though it's a futile attempt.</p><p>“I don't want a stepmom cuz I'm scared that...if Beth becomes my mom, when I grow older I'd forget about mommy entirely. That's not fair to mommy.” Jack continued before Aaron could interject,“But I also want you to be happy, daddy. If marrying Beth makes you happy you should do it. We can watch the videos and look at the photos like you said so I won't forget mommy.”</p><p>Did his son really just decide to sacrifice his love for his mother in order to insure his father's happiness?</p><p>Aaron made sure Jack was looking at him before talking, soft yet stern:“I want you to know there's <em><strong>nothing</strong></em> in this world would make me choose anyone before you. I love you more than anyone in this world. I would never want you to think that you have to choose between your love for your mom and my happiness. I'm not sure things between Beth and I are going to work out, but your love for mommy? that's going to last forever, regardless of how much you know or remember about her.”</p><p>Jack nodded, hugging Aaron tightly:“I love you too, daddy.”</p><p>“I know, I love you too, buddy. I'm sorry.”</p><p>“You don't have to apologize for what happened to mommy.” Jack said,“Aunt Penny told me, not very detailed but I learned more about what happened.”</p><p>Aaron would have to have a<em><strong> very </strong></em>serious conversation with Garcia when he got back to work.</p><p>“It wasn't your fault, daddy. The bad man hurt mommy, and you made sure he couldn't hurt anyone anymore.”</p><p>“But if...”</p><p>“No ifs.”The boy frowned, looking at him with the kind of seriousness that resembled his father's:“I've read a lot books that's about the 'what ifs'. What ifs never help people in real life cope with grief or regrets, it makes it worse. I don't blame you, daddy, you shouldn't either.”</p><p>Was his son seriously trying to comfort him? About his mother's tragic death? That Aaron was directly responsible for? God I'm such a terrible dad, Aaron groaned inwardly. </p><p>“Sounds like very wise books you've been reading. Any recommendations?” Aaron smiled, ever so sadly. Jack smiled back.</p>
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